Starting Over in Somewhere
by BookBeauty131
Summary: When Hazel's cancer gets nothing but worse, she realizes that it's her time. She's ready. Ready to let go, to see her love again. Hazel's journey through another world will be a fresh start. It's time to go to Somewhere. Please read and review!
1. Chapter 1

**The Fault In Our Stars is my favorite book of all time. So here is a story it. I don't know if its going to be a real long story, but I will keep it going for now. Please R&R! Love you all! **

I watched my mom's hand as it gripped my own. I had been in the hospital for 5 days, and my lungs were filling up before the doctors could flush it out. Since Isaac left the world, and went up with Gus, I really only had my family come and visit.

"Hazel, are you crying?" Mom asked me with a worried tone I had come to know. I was, not that I wanted her to see.

"Kind of," I choked out. She just gave me a glare. "okay, I am." When she asked me why. I didn't know what my answer should be. I could say that it was because I missed Augustus, which I did. Or I could say because I was dying, or because of the pain. But I realized that I needed to be honest. It's a pretty crappy thing to lie to your family when you won't be alive much longer to tell the truth.

"Mom, I don't want to do this anymore." She look puzzled, like she didn't understand. So I explained, "I have always had a reason to live, and I still do. But I have never had a reason to die. I have never had a motive to say it's okay to let go. I never want to hurt anybody. But I'm hurting, and people around me are hurting because of me hurting." I was losing breath from all of the talking, I would not stop though.

"A lot of people have died, Augustus told me how many, and more people will keep dying." I paused, letting her think this over. "And I'm going to die eventually, even if I continue to fight as hard as I can I'm still going to die." I stopped again. I wanted my mother to say something, to prove she was actually listening.

"Hazel, sweetie, what are you saying?" I knew she knew. She had known for a while I was sure of it.

"Mom, I want to die." The look on her face was sadness, but she knew why I was done with the life I had. "I am ready, mom. I am ready to be done with the pain that is a side affect of what I have. You understand don't you? That this is what I want? I don't want to leave you, but I need a fresh start. I am ready to let go. I am going to lose the battle anyways, please…can I lose now?"

She didn't say anything for a while. Her eyes went back and forth between my eyes and what was beyond the window. I was feeling very tired, talking didn't help. I told her I wanted to sleep. She look panicked for a moment. I told her not sleep forever, not now, just for the night. She nodded and left me to the quite.

I hoped I didn't hurt her even more. But I _was_ ready. I needed to leave all of the pain and suffering behind me. I looked up to the sky, wondering if Gus was watching me. I always wondered about that. I hoped so. I hoped that he knew how much I thought about him. Could he hear my thoughts? I squinted up at the ceiling of my hospital room. He didn't forget me did he? Is your brain wiped clean when you go up there? He wouldn't…he can't. No, he didn't. God, must be the drugs or something getting to my head.

I rested my head against the pillow. I pulled a paper off the the side table. It was the letter Augustus sent to Van Houten. I had them memorized, but I still kept them. I needed to see the actually pen strokes Gus had put on paper. I re-read them, like I did every night. Except this time was different. I cried almost every time, which you would think would suck all the water from my lungs, but no. This time though, I didn't cry. Not one tear was shed while I read the words, when I reached the line _I love her. I am lucky to love her_. I smiled. I looked back up toward the sky, which was blocked by the stupid ceiling, but I looked there anyways.

"As am I lucky to love you." I said out loud. I then laid the paper on the side table, and rested my eyes. Not forever though, not just yet.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

**Most chapters will be longer then the last. That was just a short one. Please review! Love you all!**

It hurt so bad. I couldn't even scale it. It hurt almost as bad as when as when Augustus died. Three days after telling my mother I was ready to die, I was in the hospital with my family on either side. The doctors had told them that this was it. That my body was shutting down and there was nothing anybody could do.

I felt it too. I felt my body giving in, giving up. I didn't fight it. I encouraged it actually, I couldn't take the pain in my chest. I pictured Gus going through the same pain. Isaac went differently. He just went to sleep and never woke up. I needed it to end. I _wanted_ _to die. Why the hell am I not dead yet! _I looked at my parents. My dad was crying, he had never stopped from when the doctor told him I was going. My mom was crying as well, but it was more subtle.

All of a sudden, the pain was fading. _Oh, shit._ I thought._ I'm dying._ I didn't go against my body though. I went along with it. They always say you see a light at the end of a tunnel. But I don't know if i did it wrong of if it's not true, because I saw no light. In fact, everything started to fade from sight. My parents were turning fuzzy as my eyes started to close. I heard the shriek of my mom, not so subtle anymore I guess. My dad was yelling my name. It sounded so far away. Like I wasn't actually in a hospital that resembled hell.

And then I heard my mom say something that I heard clear as day, well…not my day. But anyways I still heard it.

"She will be okay. Augustus will take care of her. She will be with him." I saw my father nod. I tilted my eyes up to the sky, where I knew he was.

"I'm coming." I whispered. And that was it. I closed my eyes, and that was it. I felt a tug on my hand. Like someone was holding it and pulling me to where I was going. Maybe it was Gus, I sure hoped so.

There was no more pain. No more struggle. No more cancer.

* * *

When my eyes open again, I had to close them right away. It was so bright. Why was it so bright? When my eyes adjusted, I could look around. I was laying down and I propped myself up on my elbows. The first things I realized was there were no tubes. Nothing tickling my nose. No air tank to role around. I took the biggest breath I could. I almost coughed because I took in so much more air then I was used to. I slowly go to my feet.

My hair. My hair was different. My hair had been short because of all the treatment. But when I felt my head with my once shaky now steady hands, it felt long and thick. I ran my fingers all the way through it. It went down just below my chest, where it had before I wet through any treatment. I closed my eyes. God, it felt good…breathing like a normal person. No more crap lungs.

I realized there were people around me. Not many, but a few here and there. And then it hit me: Augustus. I heard voices around me. Cool, people could talk in…wherever I was. So I started to yell.

"Augustus! Gus! Gus! I'm here! Isaac! Augustus! Where are you?!" I called. I then saw someone running. Like, sprinting. Oh, my God it's him. It's him. He's here. I can final-

My thought was interrupted my lip smashing into mine. Interrupted by hands cupping my face. It took my less than a second to react. I rested my hands on his arms, moving them up and down his biceps. He moved his hands from the sides of my face to my waist. Coiling around it, pulling me against him. I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him farther down to me.

It was a kiss full of every emotion. The hate came from the hate of sickness, which kept us apart. Love was the love for each other. Sadness came from having to die to be together. Happiness came from finally being back together. Passion and devotion came from the fact that we would do anything for each other. Hell, I _died_ for this boy.

As if trying to one-up himself Augustus dipped me down, and I turned my head to deepen the affair. We finally had to split our lips, lack of breath had gotten to the both of us. He just held me for a minute, not loosening his grip. I stared into the blue eyes that I had missed so much. I just wanted to get lost in them. After what seemed like a thousand years, he finally let me go. He looked at me, not saying anything.

Gus picked up a chunk of my hair. "Your hair. It's longer." He said in awe.

"Do you not like it?" I said, worried.

"No, no. I love it." He brought the hair to his mouth and kissed it, ever so lightly. "It's beautiful. You're beautiful."

"And you still look like the hot self you were. Wait you're leg-"

"My _legs_ you mean," His smile was almost as big as his whole face. "I have both of my legs, like before the cancer. You're hair was long before the cancer right?" I nodded.

"That's why its long now." I confirmed. I took a step towards him and gave him a hug. He enveloped me in his arms. I was on my tiptoes, but I liked him being tall. It's better than a wheelchair. "I missed you so much." I choked out. I felt the tears start to emerge form my eyes. Turns out you can cry when you are dead.

"I missed you too, Hazel Grace." Hearing that name just broke me. I started crying. Tears flowing onto Augustus. "I love you. I love you so much."

"I love you too, Augustus." He was still holding me when I felt drops falling onto my shoulder. Which signaled Gus was crying as well. What it felt like to touch him, there is nothing I could say that would do it any justice.

* * *

I wish I could describe what the place looked like, but I can't. There are no words. Even if I wanted to…I could not. It's a place that is so simple, but so beautiful. Whenever I tried to create a picture with words, I couldn't. There were no words.

I lay there next to Augustus, the covers of the bed hiding all the secrets of our bodies. My head resting on his chest with no tubes to get in the way. He was breathing heavy, but I didn't hear a heart beat. Maybe we didn't need one. We didn't need to eat, didn't need to drink. Just to breath. Which I loved, I loved breathing.

"Did you really think I would forget about you?" He asked me with a sad tone as he stroked my hair. I looked up at him. He was biting his lip. I could tell he was kind of scared to know the answer.

"So you _could_ hear my thoughts." I said in return.

"Only when I wanted to. Which was a lot. But you didn't answer my question. Did you really think I would ever forget you?" I sighed. I knew I had not answered his question.

"No I didn't. I just…didn't know if I would be with you when I died. I didn't know what to expect." I was staring into the blue of his eyes. "I am so used to expecting the worst, I guess I just tried to prepare myself."

"Well even if the killed me again, wiped my memory, hit me in the head, and hypnotized me to forget you I never would. Ever. Okay?"

"Okay." We were both smiling. He bent his head down to kiss me lightly. "Gus?"

"Yeah?"

"Did you watch me. Like, could you watch over everyone?" I asked. After all the wondering, I had to know.

"Hazel Grace," I raised my eyebrows in response. "I never stopped watching you. I always saw you. Everyone else too."

I giggled, "are you saying you watching me change Augustus Waters? And shower?" This made him laugh. Oh that laugh.

"Just a couple times." He brought his lips to my ear and whispered, "you were beautiful." I laughed and slapped him on the chest. I froze right after I did it, a panicked expression on my face. This made Augustus laugh even harder.

"It's okay." He said. "You don't have to worry anymore. I'm not sick, your not sick, we both are fine." So I slapped him again.

"That didn't mean I wanted you to slap me!" He said as if i had really hurt him. Right, like anything could hurt those abs. Well, besides cancer. I leaned up and kissed him again. I scooted up on the bed so our faces were at even level. "I saw you at my funeral." He was quiet in saying this, like he was sad about saying it.

"Spying on your own funeral? That's a new low, Gus." I was trying to make him laugh again. Trying to get rid of the unhappy expression.

"What you said was amazing. About all of the Encouragements around my house. About our story, our love story. I cried. I didn't even know I could cry up here. But I did." Then the tears started again. He was not sobbing, no not even close. They were the quite tears when someone is sad and they want to hide it. When someone is sad, but not crushed by the sadness. Like, when Gus died, they were not the quite tears. I was sobbing. All the time. But this, this was ache, not loss.

"I am so sorry, Hazel. I am so, so sorry. I promised to fight for you. And I failed. I lost the only battle I really wanted to fight. I failed you. I caused you to hurt, even though the last thing I ever want to do is hurt you. It wasn't our deal, that you would have to live without me. I watched you cry all the time. It killed me to know that _I _caused all of those tears." I was staring at Augustus in disbelief. Did he really think this was his fault. He was still crying.

I reached my hand up to the side of his face. He overlapped his hand over mine. "Augustus, it's not your fault. Not one bit. You didn't cause the cancer that spread through you. Yes, I cried, a lot. But I cried because I lost the love of my life. I couldn't not cry. And yes, if I could change the past I would and I would get rid of your cancer. But none of it was your fault. You did fight, you fought hard. For you and for me. And I love you more for it." He had stopped crying by this point. Gus pulled me closer to him.

"Okay?" I asked him.

"Okay."

"Okay. See? We _can_ have a forever after death." He nodded, a wide smile on his face. He kissed me. He rolled on top of me as I laced my arms around his neck, pulling him farther down. We kissed for a long time. After being apart for over a year, I never wanted to have to part our lips.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

**Hey there:) Ok so I need your help. I want to please my readers, so I was wondering if you would rather have more updates and shorter chapters, or updates with longer in between and longer chapters. Please tell me ASAP! please review! Love you!**

"So basically, if you really want something, it _might_ come to you. It depends though." Yes, I was getting a tour of Somewhere by Augustus Waters. He was explaining to me about how to receive things there. "And you have to have a reason for wanting it. You can't just say you want a million dollars." He told me.

I thought back to when we were alive, Augustus too. When Isaac egged his ex's car. I got one picture in that moment, and I never took another picture of Gus. Isaac and I had taken a couple when it was just us left, but I didn't have them anymore.

"Can I wish for something now?" I asked Augustus.

"Yeah. Go ahead. We will see if it works." So I did. I said the reasons I wanted it out loud in my head. wished so hard I thought my brain was going to explode. When I opened my eyes, Gus was watching me, waiting for me to say something.

"Okay. There. I wished." We looked around to see if anything had appeared or changed. And then I saw it. It had popped up right next to where we were sitting. As if it was made of pure glass, I picked the object up so gently.

"A camera? You wished for a camera?" He asked me. He wasn't discussed, just curious as to why.

"Yeah I did." Figuring I should, I explained further, "so we can preserve the memories not only in our minds, but in a tangible object. Even though the memories in our minds will be more special and vivid, I want pictures I can look at night and day and smile. I want us to be able to look at something and say _'yeah, that was amazing.'_. Plus, I only ever had, like, three photos of you when we were people on earth." Me saying this only widened the smile that had already crossed his lips.

"Well, then. Preserve through picture we shall." Gus added quickly, "but Hazel Grace, you cannot abuse this great gift of making things appear out of thin air. You must use it wisely, as must everyone else here. The ones who don't lose the gift, and must be dead without it."

"I won't. I promise."

As we walked, hand in hand, I thought about abuse. I had been told the entire life that I had lived to not abuse anything. That since life was short, I was not to abuse or take advantage of it. I had interpreted this differently then some people would have. I regarded this as playing it safe, closing myself up, not hurting anything. This had caused me not to do extraordinary things with my life. The only extraordinary thing I did with my life was fall in love with Augustus Waters. But that was pretty phenomenal, so I guess I didn't failed completely.

I was processing this when I suddenly heard someone yelling my name. I spun around to see a very quick running Isaac.

"Hazel! Hey!" He bellowed in my direction.

"Isaac!" I let go of Gus' hand to embrace him. I held him tight, making sure he was real. After Augustus left us, Isaac was really all I had. I mean, yes, I had my parents and other friends, but he was different. It was like he was the only one who truly knew what I was missing.

It was Augustus himself who finally spoke, "wow. That was a better hug than both of you gave me when you saw me." He had this cute pouty face he was sporting.

"Psh! Yeah, right." Isaac scoffed. "With how much you missed her? And her you? I seriously doubt that." We all laughed.

After a while of catching up-more like me catching up on Isaac's life after death since apparently he had been spying-we did what we do best. Play video games. I had heard that the two boys had caught evil quite a bit since being together.

"Grenade!" Augustus shouted, "it's okay, I got it!"

"No no no no no! Gus don't - shit!" There was an explosion followed by a dramatic voice telling them they had failed their mission. "Goddammit, Gus! Seriously!" Isaac howled.

"I'm sorry, but I had to save the old man."

"He was just an old guy walking his dog! He had nothing to do with the mission!"

"Well, no dogs will die on my watch!" Gus stated with a smile on his face. It was nice not to play blind-people video games anymore.

"Gus," I said slowly as if to a five year old. "Maybe just focus on the mission so you can finish."

"Hazel Grace, If I can save a life, I shall." I didn't argue. For the meaning there was something I didn't want to question.

After hours had come and gone, and the darkness had taken over, I was exhausted.

"Hazel Grace, I thinks it's time we head out." We said our goodbyes to Isaac and left.

The things about Somewhere is that you can make your own rules. If you don't want to get tired, you didn't have to. If you never wanted to take another shower, you wouldn't. I didn't want to stop either. I wanted life after death to be somewhat close to life before it. And then there was aging. It was the same, if you didn't want to age, you wouldn't. If you did, you did. Augustus and I had known all along that growing old together was not in our grand life plan. So we decided not to go against it, and not grow old. Although we may age a few years out of restlessness. Many people in Somewhere do the same. Besides, you can't die twice, so why grow old?

* * *

The steam was sticky against my skin, but I enjoyed it so. I get a rush of cool air as I opened the bathroom door.

Augustus Waters was standing in the bedroom. Wearing nothing but a towel, I walked over to him and started playing with his hands. I looked up into the blue eyes as they stared back at me. Neither of us had said anything yet, and as he pulled me closer, I know words were not needed. I watched his fingers as they skimmed over the edge of the towel. He slowly untucked it, as gentlemen-like as he could. I looked up at him as the towel descended to the floor beneath. I knew his eyes wanted to wander, but instead they stayed locked to mine.

Gus moved his hands to my lower back, drawing me into him. My bare chest to his. We slowly walked over to the bead, where he laid my down even slower.

After certain events, we were lying in the bed, Augustus' lips pressed to my neck.

"Gus." I whispered, just to say his name. He transported his kissed up my neck to my cheek bone, across to my own lips.

"Can I ask you a favor?" He asked. It seemed like a unconventional time for a favor, but whatever.

"Mmhmm." I got out.

"Call me Augustus." He parted his lips from mine to look at me. His eyes radiant.

"Okay." I voiced with a smile.

"Okay." I couldn't speak anymore, But I wasn't dejected in the least with what was haulting the words.

* * *

"Hi! I'm Caroline."

"Hazel. Nice to meet you." yes, I was meeting the one and only. The one that Augustus had describes as 'kind of a bitch' - in the nicest way possible - was shaking my hand.

"Gus here told has told me a lot about you. So many wonders!" Her smile vast with bug white teeth.

"As have I you. I'm sorry about the brain tumor. Must have been awful." It felt weird apologizing for a cause of death.

"Oh yes, sorry about the lungs." She responded. I nodded. There was some silence following the end of the topic. Many girls might feel differently about the situation then I did. They might feel jealous, hateful, or territorial. I did not. Not at all. I loved Augustus enough to know that there was no need to be.

"You know what I want to do right now?" Augustus asked us. Both Caroline and I gave him a questioning look. "I want to go miniature golfing. Don't you guys?" I gave a slightly bewildered nod, looking at Caroline who did the same. "Great. Lets go."

Of course there was mini golf in Somewhere. Probably the grandest I'd seen, windmills and all.

"I call green!" Augustus yelled as soon as we got there. Such a kid.

After about six holes, I was about to smack my ball through the lighthouse when Gus interrupted my swing.

"No, Hazel Grace! You're doing it all wrong!" I knew I wasn't doing it _all_ wrong, but arguing would get me nowhere. He stepped up behind me. "First, your hips are off." He placed his hans on my hips and shifted them. I laughed. "Secondly, your holding the club to far up." He adjusted my hands to they were supposed to be, accruing to him. He placed his lips to my ear and whispered, "perfect." I giggled as Augustus stepped away. But the my face grew red when I remembered Caroline was there. She was looking at her fingernails as if she hadn't even noticed we were present. The look on her face was strange, and I didn't quite know what it was.

I was watching Caroline out of curiosity. My main question was if her bitchyness Augustus had described was from the tumor or not. From the looks that crossed her face, I would say yes and no at the same time. She was a nice, beautiful girl, but it was the looks. They were hard to see, but they were there. Some were of disgust, others like she was repulsed, and some were hard to place. But I still liked her.

After 18 holes, we snatched up Isaac and did something apparently people in Somewhere don't so too often. We went to the land of the living.


End file.
